I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
