please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
