Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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