I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
