I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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