is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
