Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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