the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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