I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
