ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
