He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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