Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
