Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
