I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
