We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
how do flat chested girls get laid?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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