If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
