I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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