my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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