You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
