ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize