Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
