3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
