I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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