all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
