honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
