I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
