I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
