Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
