Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
