If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
