Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
