Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
