you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
