I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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