Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
