while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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