Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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