sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize