i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
