I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
