Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
