Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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