I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
