I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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