turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
