im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
