Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
