I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
