kristin has been a bad kristin
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
