I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
