I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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