How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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