I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
