I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
