this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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