i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You're like the curious george of whores
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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