I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
