Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
