Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
