I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
