ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
