your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
