last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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